Intensive, Responsive, Gentle, Helicopter: Parenting is Hard No Matter What You Call It

When you think about your style of parenting, would you consider it intensive parenting? Maybe responsive parenting or gentle parenting? Whatever you identify with, we can all agree—parenting is hard. The pressures of parenting today have gradually intensified, catching many by surprise when they realize they feel burnt out. A recent New York Times article, Today’s Parents: ‘Exhausted, Burned Out and Perpetually Behind’, the author, Claire Cain Miller, describes this exact phenomenon. The rising expectations and the result of the pressure has not only been written about in the media, but even been called out within the government. U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued an advisory that echoes what many parents already feel: the demands on today’s parents have escalated too much. While staying engaged in children’s lives is crucial, the high expectations placed on parents often leave them feeling exhausted and stretched too thin.

Does Parenting Have to Be This Hard?

Much of the parenting stress comes from relentless comparisons on social media, increasing expectations to secure a bright future for our children, and the shrinking presence of community support systems. In the article, Dr. Murthy highlighted the need for attention to parents’ well-being, noting that as the focus on children’s mental health grows, so too should our concern for caregivers. Historian Kirsten Swinth also pointed out that today’s parenting culture has created a weighty load on parents, one that prioritizes societal benefits but often neglects the caregivers’ needs.

This raises a critical question: Does parenting have to be so hard, or has society made it feel harder than it needs to be? The modern culture of parenting, often fueled by social media comparisons and unrealistic expectations, may be pushing parents into a cycle of feeling inadequate. Parents today are constantly asked to do more—spend more time with their children, invest in their extracurriculars, and provide an endless stream of stimulating activities to secure their future. But is all of this really necessary?

Dr. Murthy’s advisory and the NYT article suggest that we’ve created a culture where the pressures on parents have reached an unsustainable level. The expectations of intensive parenting—where parents are expected to micromanage every aspect of their child’s development—can make even the most capable parents feel like they’re falling short. The question remains: Is society pushing parents to the brink, or are we accepting these unrealistic standards as the norm?

The Intersection with Gentle Parenting

The exhaustion highlighted in Dr. Murthy’s advisory parallels some of the criticisms surrounding newer parenting trends like intensive or gentle parenting. While the principles of these approaches—such as recognizing emotions, avoiding punitive measures, and focusing on respect—are well-intentioned, many parents have found the constant emotional engagement to be exhausting.

The focus on validating emotions and avoiding traditional discipline can sometimes lead to children receiving more attention for their emotions, which in turn can reinforce those emotional outbursts. As parents try to help their children process emotions, the child may not provide their child the opportunity to learn how to move through less intense emotions swiftly. This leaves parents feeling stuck in a cycle of acknowledgment without resolution, which, combined with other pressures, can feel overwhelming.

This begs another important question: Has gentle parenting, like intensive parenting, placed an unrealistic burden on parents to be constantly emotionally available? And if so, are we setting ourselves up for burnout by trying to meet these standards?

Parenting Is Hard – But Support Is Available

Both The New York Times and critics of gentle parenting styles highlight a key issue: parenting is hard, and it’s made harder when parents feel like they’re alone in carrying the weight. At Momentum Parenting, we understand these struggles and offer evidence-based strategies that can be tailored to any parenting style. Our courses are built on years of research and practical application, designed to help parents find balance without feeling like they need to sacrifice their own mental health or well-being.

Our Stage-Based Series, which includes courses for early childhood, school age, and teenagers, offers targeted advice for the specific challenges that come with each stage of development. These strategies are not just about managing behavior but also about maintaining your well-being as a parent. We’ve combined the best of evidence-backed parenting techniques to ensure you have the tools to manage your child’s needs in a realistic, sustainable way.

Let’s face it: parenting is hard—but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. With the right support and strategies, we can reduce the burden that society has placed on us and focus on raising resilient, independent children without losing ourselves in the process. Visit Momentum Parenting today to learn more about how our courses can help you regain control, set boundaries, and nurture your child’s growth, all while taking care of yourself.