Why the Trend of Gentle Parenting Has Become Exhausting for Parents

The rise of gentle parenting has been fueled by a desire to raise emotionally intelligent, empathetic children. At its core, it’s a beautiful philosophy focused on respecting a child’s feelings, guiding behavior with empathy, and fostering a strong parent-child bond. But for many parents, what began as a well-intentioned approach has become exhausting and unsustainable in practice. Forums filled with overwhelmed parents see posts like this posted by a Reddit user:

"Gentle Parenting is for the birds, and I honestly think trying it for so long has given me more to undo. Look, I get that most of us are in the 'respect the feelings' generation after our parents just pretended they didn't matter. Still, there has to be a middle ground. Even if you are great about every detail of GP, and you have all the patience in the world, I honestly think a lot of us have inadvertently taught our kids to be more emotional. I'm not sure they're learning to process their emotions better, but rather that their emotions get attention. The whole idea is "once they process those emotions, they can move through them". My kid does not move through them after acknowledgement, and it isn't easier for him to process emotions when he experiences them next time. Sometimes, you just have to get tf over things. Oh, the machine ate your money? In the grand scheme of things, that's a non-issue. Get over it."

The Principles of Gentle Parenting

Gentle parenting focuses on respecting children’s feelings, understanding their emotions, and guiding them with patience and empathy. It encourages parents to avoid punishment and instead use positive reinforcement and emotional validation. The goal is to help children process their emotions in a healthy way so that they can “move through them” and develop emotional resilience.

But while these principles are grounded in positive intentions, many parents find it challenging to maintain this approach 24/7. The constant need for patience, validation, and emotional engagement can feel overwhelming.

"Even if you are great about every detail of [Gentle Parenting], and you have all the patience in the world, I honestly think a lot of us have inadvertently taught our kids to be more emotional."

The Pitfalls of Gentle Parenting

While gentle parenting aims to help children regulate their emotions, it can sometimes have the opposite effect. When parents focus on acknowledging every emotional response, children may learn that their emotions receive excessive attention, reinforcing and strengthening those reactions in ways that may feel unnatural. For example, when a child’s frustration over an issue like a vending machine eating their money becomes an extended emotional event, it might not teach them resilience.

This frustration with gentle parenting stems from a feeling that it’s shifted into permissive parenting—where limits aren’t consistently enforced, and emotional outbursts can take precedence over appropriate boundaries and logical consequences for behavior. Permissive parenting, unlike gentle parenting’s original framework, has been shown to result in children who struggle with self-regulation and authority.

When Gentle Parenting Becomes Permissive Parenting

The line between gentle parenting and permissive parenting can become blurry. Permissive parenting is characterized by a lack of boundaries, where children’s behaviors are rarely met with firm consequences. As a result, children may struggle with developing appropriate coping mechanisms or understanding limits.

In some cases, parents using gentle parenting may avoid conflict or give in to emotional displays to "help" their child, inadvertently teaching that emotional outbursts are an effective way to avoid consequences. But does this prepare our children for the future? Sometimes they won't get their way, it won't be fair, and there will be no one to fix it for them. While this sentiment may seem harsh, this is the reality of life—children need to learn resilience and balance, and not every emotion requires deep processing or validation.

Furthermore, children need to understand the consequences of their choices and behaviors. Gentle parenting can miss the mark when it comes to implementing consequences, instead opting for validation and processing to resolve the issue. Logical consequences are simply part of life—if you touch the hot stove, you will get burned. If you don't turn in your homework, you will earn a zero. Children need to experience consequences and practice their reaction and next steps. When gentle parenting focuses too much on emotion without enforcing limits, it can unintentionally foster emotional dependency and lack of coping skills rather than independence.

The Momentum Parenting Approach: Balancing Empathy with Effective Boundaries

At Momentum Parenting, we understand that parents want to raise children who are emotionally intelligent but also capable of handling life’s challenges. While the foundation of gentle parenting is admirable, it’s just not always practical for every family. Our evidence-based parenting courses offer a balanced approach, providing strategies that are both empathetic and firm.

Our courses are designed to help parents manage challenging behaviors, set appropriate limits, and guide their children through tough emotions with research-backed techniques that have stood the test of time. Unlike many gentle parenting approaches, which lack long-term research support, our strategies are based on years of proven success.

At Momentum Parenting, we offer flexible tools that can be tailored to fit any parenting style, ensuring that parents can navigate challenges with confidence. If you’re feeling exhausted by gentle parenting and looking for more effective strategies, Momentum Parenting has the tools you need. Our evidence-based courses will help you set boundaries, enforce logical consequences, and guide your child’s emotional development in a way that works for your family. Explore our courses to learn more about how to balance empathy with boundaries for a happier, more resilient child.